In This Moment
by Leaving Autumn
Summary: If a million years could take place then it would be now. A portal to the past wouldn't matter anymore, because right now this is us. Even if tomorrow I might die, or the day after.. I would keep on trying for a moment like this again. 46 years of death and not any love yet, until now. I just hope this sparks something. Maybe, in this moment a revolution could begin.


When I wake up it's still dark outside. Not that I actually expected anything else, I get up before dawn everyday anyways. It's a natural habit of mine, always has been and probably will always be. Even though some days I'll wake up later, I know today is not one of those days. Never on a day like today.

I wrap my thin duvet around me, trying to block off the cold. I gave my warm one to my friend, she had dropped hers in the snow yesterday and at least I had something to spare. I mean, it meant that if she could at least spend a good night of sleep before the reaping than that would be good. For me though, it was a lost cause. Being a light sleeper myself, I knew that it wouldn't matter and I would just toss and turn all night, probably getting to sleep at around 3am and up at the break of dawn anyways.

It was my fourth year and nothing had happened so far. To be honest, I was more afraid of myself being picked than any of my friends and family and I know that it's selfish but human nature proves that self preservation is much more important than others. Isn't that what all the games are about anyways? Helping and saving yourself. Silly, but I could see the message.

Not that it meant anything at all. I could tell that the games didn't want to mock humanity. No…. they wanted to mock us for our past. Purely spite and inhumanity. Watching people die? It made me sick to my stomach.

I'm so afraid I can hardly breathe, but I manage to anyways. I have no siblings to worry about, my brother died stillborn and I don't have any other siblings. My mom and dad work in the factories day and night, but today is their day off. In a way today is a sigh of relief. In a way, we don't cry of sob when it's someone we don't know. In fact, we're happy. Not for the family, but for ourselves. We're happy that we had another year of being safe. Though the risk continues anyways, in fact it grows up until the age of 18. I have three years to go, and just barely. I turned 15 just a couple weeks ago, at the end of February. Lucky me, don't even get to celebrate another year of life before I'm being tossed into the reapings.

Here in District 5, things aren't so bad as in… let's say 11 or 12. We have food, we have shelter and clean water. We're not loved by the capitol, but we're safe from most harm. Of course, if you want to do well, you've got to be smart. Scientifically smart.

Something I am not.

It funny to find a creative individual here in 5. Most people have a scientific mind, filled with facts and numbers, but things like that make my mind whirl. That's why some of the students tease me. They say I should be in One with all the prissy ones, and I know that they do the entertainment but I think I'd fit best in Eight. Not because I'm good at textiles, because I'm not artsy in the slightest but because I could guess that people's minds there work more like mine. They think of words and colours, not numbers and equations.

I'm not an artist or a musician. I guess you could call me someone who doesn't know what they're good at, since I'm good at reading and speaking but sometimes my mind just goes blank and it's empty and uninspired. All my friends have so many brilliant ideas.

But personality doesn't help you in the reapings. Nothing does. You just hope you get lucky and the escort doesn't pick your name out of the numbers of others in that bowl which has taken god knows how many lives. There is nothing you can do. And that is the complete and utter despair of the situation we are in.

It's being going on for 45 years already. When will they learn that it's time to call it quits. 23 people die every year. I cry every year whenever I see anyone die, because that person has family…. They have a father and a mother and maybe friends and siblings who will spend the rest of their life wondering what they could have done to stop the one they loved from dying and spend every waking moment crying silently and maybe even wondering if they should have volunteered for their friend of brother or sister.

This is our life.

The sun in starting to rise higher into the sky and I can see the emptiness of the day already. The sky just replicates the dull emotions that rise in waves from every district in the country except for maybe One and Two and maybe even Four because they don't care about killing, all they want is the victory and I feel so sorry for them.

Some days I wish we could build a time machine and go to the past. I'd live somewhere in the forest, with tall trees and a lake so I could swim and no-one would ever find me unless I wanted them too. I'd have my friends nearby, but mom and dad would be somewhere far away. Maybe my friends and I could swim together in that lake. The water would be cold but we wouldn't mind and we would dare each other to jump in all at once and maybe push each other in and splash each other. IN another universe we'd go to the same school and be in the same class and we'd spend every break and lunch laughing and talking and we wouldn't have to worry about dying or going home hungry because everyone would still be alive and there would always be enough food. There wouldn't be any games or any Capitol and all the districts would be together and we'd be happy. I wouldn't be an outcast because there would be others who don't think scientifically.

It's so far out of my reach, but I can image it like it's there in front of me. But as I reach out my hand it disappears and this dream is nothing but a memory.

Sitting up, I rub my eyes. Mom and dad won't be here. Even if today is a holiday, they won't be home. They're so devoted to their work, and why should I be bothering them if I'm not smart like they are. I spend my waking hours doing the cooking, the chores and when I can, I go with Kaede to the woods behind the factories… the parts we can and we talk and I can forget.

I know they'll be there, so I throw on some old clothes and a jacket, slipping on my boots and grabbing a loaf of bread for us.

Kaede is basically my sister. She's been with me for so long, her family is so welcoming that I feel like I'm part of them. If I only I was.

She's there, as I suspected. I sit down next to her and we stay in silence for a while.

"Hey… you nervous?"

"Guess so. I mean, I never really forget these days."

"I know…"

Kaede's mom lost her sister to the games. Of course, Kaede never knew her, but it still did touch her life. Funny how they can be so close to us, yet so distant.

"If I get reaped… don't volunteer."

"And why not?" she asked, turning to me.

"Because if I ever let you die because of me than I would never forgive myself."

"Who's to stop me though?"

"Me…."

She stays silent for a while, as if thinking. She's a science one as well… they all are. I hoped someone would be like me, but apparently not.

"Fine. Have it your way, but you're keeping your end of the bargain too."

"What every you say Kae."

"I'm serious!"

"So am I."

It's getting later. I stalled coming here, and soon the peacekeepers will make their way through the streets, ushering people to get ready for the reaping. And then we'll be standing there… waiting for us to die.

"We should probably get going. I don't want to be under prepared."

"Yeah. I'll see you."

"Good luck."

And with that we're off our different ways. I'm home, mom and dad still aren't here, but I can tell they won't be back anytime soon. Will they even show up. What if they come home and see their daughter is gone? How about that?

I pull on a dress. It's orange and I hate that colour so I change it to a dull blue. Not much, but the cyan brings out the blue in my teal eyes. Pulling my wavy chestnut hair into a high ponytail I admire my terrible work. Not like anyone will really care though, so I shake my head and take a deep breath.

I can do this.

The walk to the main square is the worst. You can just feel the fear coming from everyone in the streets, the 12 year olds sobbing because it's their first year and they don't want to die but I don't either.

Finally I make it. Standing in line, I try to catch a glimpse of a familiar face but so far all I see is a sea of heads, red, black, brown and blonde hair blurred into one murky colour and my head begins to hurt. I give my ID to the peacekeeper, who pricks my finger (needles make me feel sick) and I'm off to the 15's section. To be honest, I'm happy the first bit is over.

Speeches are the worst. We know the history of the games and we just don't care. Then the mentors come on and there are two, Nixy Robins and Clark Nearly. Nixy is a 28 year old woman, a smart person like most from 5 are. She won more by smarts than anything, hiding out and waiting for everyone to drop off. I like her, but she'll be no help to any other tributes. Clark on the other hand sort of… broke after his games. I remember him pretty well actually, I was 12 when I saw his and now he's 20. In his interviews and everything he was so charismatic but when the games began he became stone cold like he is now.

Our escort is Hadley Orion. A woman with no sense of style, like most of the prissies are. That's what Kaede calls the people from the Capitol. Prissies.

"Welcome dahhlings to the 46th Hunger Games, the moment you've all marked on your calendars!"

I scoff. If we had any.

Hadley babbles on about how much she loves us, or something like that, her bubblegum hair piled on top of her head swaying dangerously. I sigh. Here we go…

"Our lucky female tribute is…. Emily Cinder."

I saw that one coming from a million miles away.

Why?

Because that's me.


End file.
